Monkey Paradise

Sorry I ain't posted in a while, as you can see I been busy with my newest lady. This the first time I done crawled out my place of warmth and security.

I'll tell you all about how I hooked up with this fine specimen and how I done fooled the state on that damn' ankle bracelet (sorry cat, think of it as jewelry - at least it ain't like I drank a case of 40's and tried to fuck you again, so get over it). And how my latest lady is with the 'Po-Po, damn, you gots to love a woman who can put you in cuffs!

I'm off now, need a little rest befo my girl get's off work. I'm tellin' you, playing cops 'n robbers can wear a monkey out. It's all good though, just ice it fo now and it'll be good to go when she's back.

Fuck, don't you wish you was me nigga?

Girls, Girls, There Is Enough Monkey Love For Everyone...

Life is good when you are one hot piece of monkey love. My girls sending me the love and all. Gawddamn this ankle bracelet from the state! Puttin' a cramp in my luvin' and all. I was just bitchin' 'bout that with Martha. She was all 'Damn! I'd be out at the bars an' shit if it wasn't for this fucking ankle bracelet. I gots to get them to bring in my cases of 40's and drink it here with the pool boy. Fuck I'm gettin' tired of fuckin' him, I need me some rough sex like I get up at the biker bar.' I mean it was something like that. But anyway, Martha, I got yo back girl. Ain't easy being a felon.

So my girls been sending me the luv (but no naked pictures, girls, girls, girls, what's with that shit? Need to be hooking Monkey Man up with some naked pictures and all - internet porn is expensive). Sable baby, I been trying to call you but you ain't gonna believe this shit. Bitch done did something to the phone so every time i try to call out I get an electrical shock. First time I was calling the liquor sto for a delivery and gawddamn if it didn't singe the fucking fur off of half my head! I thought maybe it was a short in the phone or maybe she didn't pay the bill, so I goes to the other phone and mutha fuck, I dialed and it rang then ZAP! That butt-fuckin' phone done shocked me again! I may be permanently deaf in that ear. I just dropped that phone and ran down stairs, started pourin' the rest of my 40 in my ear. Bitch done been watching and listening and was rollin' around on the floor laughing. It ain't funny. I waited a couple of days, then I couldn't control my urges no mo' so I gets Sable's number and I dial it. This time it shocked me so fuckin' hard I blacked the fuck out - and that shit only usually happens after a couple of cases of 40's. I may have brain damage from that shit. So Sable, baby, I been trying. Dora, girl, you hot bitch, you always on my mind. Dixie, girl, don't be letting bitch hate on me, you know you love me, come on over and take me for a ride in yo' pimp-mobile - I'll take you for a ride of my own.

Gawddamn, bitch done be waking up. I gots to go look like a reformed felon and all.

Lookin' Fo Love... Or Just A Good Fuck

After that Bitch who keeps me went off to bed last night I did what I usually do, checked CNN news and Fox News online. Yeah, whatEVER! HAHAHA! Just funnin', you know I was surfin' the nastiest porn I could find.. and not have to pay fo. I still ain't got that woman's fucking credit card number yet! Damn her! Anyway that Bitch left her IM list open so I took the time to check out who she talk to, 'cuz it's important that I knows who she knows and all. I look and she's got a bunch of ugly men and some delicious hot tasty looking babes. Oh yeah! I started making a list of all of them. Ya know my girl Sable was on there and so was my other girl Dora. I found me another hot sexy bitch to ad to my harem. Dixie girl you so hot, you just 'bout melted my eyeballs! Why don't you ditch that husband and come get some jungle love? You know you want it! Everybody want a piece of this hot studly monkey meat!

Shit, I gots to go, the roofies I stuck in her coffee done wore off. Better go look busy like I'm cleaning and shit.

Shout out to my girls, come on baby, you know you want to spank this monkey!

Where's The Love???

I'm tellin' you it's not here. Ain't no love fo this primate. Fuck, I can't even pay for it these days. Mainly 'cuz Bitch all uptight about her money and shit. She's makeing me work for all the money she gives me - shit just last week she had me crawling around under her funky ass bed to clean out the dust under it, I came out looking like a fucking shitzu! Bow wow fucking bitch, tricked me into to doing it anyway - saying shit about there being a case of beer under there.

But on to other shit, my baby Sable ain't called me yet. I KNOW she wants to and all but I'm sure Bitch is probably just not letting the call though. Baby, don't give up, I'm here for you. Although... you might wanna get a move on, I know of another hot bitch wanting some monkey love. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Dora been lusting over this hunk of studly monkey. But ladies don't worry, there's enough of AASM to go around.

Right now I'm on the lo-lo 'cuz bitch on some fucking rampage. Her boss done dissed her and given' her sit 'bout taking time off fo her kids. I told her I'd take care of it if she just let me have some gas money. Then she cut me a look that would have turned my hair white if it weren't already white and went into a tirade about how not letting me drive her car, my fucked up monkey friends not being worth nothing and me being a felon on probation not even being able to leave the house an' shit. I ducked the fuck out of the room as quick as i could, she looked like she was gonna start smacking me around. Bitch got all violent and crap while I was in lock up! If not for my probation, hell I'd teach her to show me some respect. See how she like a fucking black eye. But for now, I just have to be happy sneaking around and pissing in her slippers to get back at her.

Oh and last night, gawd-damn, she comes home all drunk and shit. She be going out all the fucking time! If she don't come home stinking drunk, she's stink of lube and cheap condoms. Mutha fuck! I'm jealous.

Anywayz, girls... give your stud monkey a call.. we can set things up.