Is It Christmas Yet? I Could Swear I Saw A Ho, Ho, Ho!

So bitch seems to have gotten over the sick cow disease. All that fucking whineing and moaning is over. She wrote some long mutha fucking post about being over it and moving on and some body turn me over and fuck me up the ass with no lube if bitch didn't hold true to her goddammed word! Seems she turned the old red light back on. She had the men calling and touching and looking. Shit I was sure she was going to be on the desperation train and I'd be pimping her ass out to my monkey friends. As it was that whole scheme of putting that ad out for her just back fired like lighting a fart at a bean eating contest. Fucking bitch, I'm thinking of taking a restraining order out on her ass - 'sept I can't 'cuz I'm still on house arrest - bitch knows I can't leave to go make a complaint, she got a few calls and a few good offers (noooo she didn't think so, like she's got some gold plated pussy worth more than $300???), she figured it out that I put in the ad and she snatched me out of the chair I had passed out in, she grabbed me by my buttfucking tail I tell you! Surprised the fuck out of me, I spilled beer all over the place. Then she swung me around a few times and knocked me up against the door. That nigger knocked me against the door I tell you! Then she drug me into the bathroom the whole time mutterin' some shit like voodoo chants or curses or something. Then she dunked my head in the toilet till i passed the fuck out. This time I woke up in the trash bin in the bathroom, had a fucking dirty pad stuck to my head. Somehow it was better than waking up with a cat turd stuck in my ear though.

Anyway, like I says, bitch is moving on. She got invited to some earth shaking, wild ass party last Friday. I would have gone with my ho but that fucking ankle bracelet courtesy of the state dictated that I stay home watching porn and spanking the... well the monkey. Don't look at me like that fucker, you know you sit home whacking off as often as you can so bite my furry primate ass. As I didn't go, I don't know what happened and when I asked the ho why she was out until 5:30 am and where she got the bite marks from and who's wearing her underwear, she just slapped me and went back to sleep. What a bitch, some day I'm gonna teach her ass to respect me. Lucky for me my cousin was at the fucking party. He's the one that got his as pimped out to someone. And he sent me this e-mail:

Yo Cuz! Whats up dawg? You ain't neva gonna believe who showed up at goddamn wild ass, fuckin' sex party! Goddaaaaaaamn they was naked people everywhere! It was off the fucking chain! And yo girl was there! Yeah! Ho was like cat nip, had her some folks looking to get that ass let me tell you. Shit I ain't seen that kind of wild ass jungle sex since I had to pay for it at Cousin Clems bachlor party. Oh yeah! You never mentioned bitch shaves! Goddamn I could not believe I saw her with them guys and girls - yeah you heard it, you missed some girl/girl lez shit that made me wish I had my fucking camera with me! Anyway you probably saw all the monkey bites on her, and yo dawg, ain't none of them from me - when I wasn't standing outside the door beating my meat I was down with the hostess with the mostess - oh yeah she got the mostest baby. Shit man you gots to have you a wild ass party with this bitch, she fucking puts out let me tell you. (Might have to slip her a roofie or something, she wasn't looking hot for no monkey meat. Get her high and call us to come over k?) Anywayz, I gots to go, my girl wants to cuddle and shit. I tell you I live in fucking paradise.

Cuz

Fucker. Rubbing it in. I'm gonna beat his fucking ass till his tail falls off some day. So.. he's a fucking liar, I just can't believe my ho would be hitting it that much... I mean she DID come home with bit marks, and she DID come home at 5:30 am and bitch DID smell like lube and cheap rubbers, but her getting that much booty? No fucking way, she's to fucking up tight. Probably sat in the corner with a vibrator.

Well i better go, gotta clean the lube off the key board from my earlier surfing - if my ho finds out, she'll lock me in the fucking cat crate for a week. Damn, I wonder if she's going through menopause or somethin'?